Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
