Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
