Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
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I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
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Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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