it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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