Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize