you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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