I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
