tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
why do cheetos always look like penises
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
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