Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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