I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Randomize
