You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
