i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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