you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
