I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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