o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
