Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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