Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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