i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Randomize
