dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
