I think my fart just growled at me.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
How external is "for external use only"?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
