We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
