Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
