The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
