Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
