new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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