the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
We talked him into tasing himself.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
