nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
