i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
