It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
