She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
