I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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