I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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