there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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