Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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