The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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