my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
