all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
