haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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