I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
