a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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