I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
