I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
