my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
