First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
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the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
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Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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