He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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