wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
