I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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