me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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