i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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