i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
