i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Randomize
