if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
