Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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