This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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