i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
