why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
