youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
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Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
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Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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